Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Dangerous games

I'll be moving deeper south in a few days for a new job. I am not thrilled about it, but my best friend says it'll be cool, "like in 'True Blood.'" I've never seen that show but I have seen "The Walking Dead," and maybe I'll meet a Norman Reedus look-alike!

 
I'd like to attribute my lack of enthusiasm for spanking on stress but I think another big component is that I'm interested in a wider range of things right now. It's not that spanking is a simplistic act... it's just as complicated and psychological as other forms of S&M, but at the moment, it feels very mild. I thought that the cure for that was being hurt more, with more force, more pain, more everything. But that's not it either.

So I've been trying to imagine what a perfect scenario would be, what exactly it is that I want. Obviously, tastes will evolve, preferences will change... I know that physical pain and some element of fear and danger are the two things that turn me on. I don't like this localized sense of pain that spanking involves, the necessity of compliance. Yes, you can kick and struggle but ultimately, being spanked is a submissive act and it's wholly consensual.

It's not that I'm looking to do anything non-consensual, though. I don't know what I want. I don't like the set-up of scenarios in general... how it's "real" but also a game. It's supposed to be serious but it's also a form of play. How safewords and caution are always involved. But I know this is all illogical thinking also. If there weren't constraints and rules and consent, then all of this would be actual torture. But still... I can't help but want something more.

 
In other news, I've been planning the interior design for my new apartment these past couple of days and it is lots of (fun) work. I wish I owned more furniture though... I am secretly trying to make my living room look like the inside of a 1920s brothel because it'll be sexy, but my mom is absolutely opposed to red or dimmed lighting because she says it looks "whore-y." I know!! That's the point!!

I don't have any fear about living alone, although I hope that I won't be bored. There isn't much to do in that tiny little town, except maybe have sex and smoke meth.

6 comments:

  1. The more southern you go, the less it looks like Walking Dead and True Blood (Based in Louisiana) and the more it looks like Deliverance. I'm a Georgia boy, and it doesn't get much more southern than that :) (Unless you go to Alabama, then ...God help you)

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    1. Grrrr I'll be about an hour away from Alabama, but still in GA... and yes, it most certainly does look like something out of Deliverance :p

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    2. Wow. The Georgia/Alabama border? Even an hour away? Alabama is 3 hours away from me and I am afraid that they'll wander that far in a zombie apocalypse.

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  2. Wow, America seems really interesting.. and I love the idea of your room setup. I've always wanted to do a similar structure before but I can't really find anything around here :P

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  3. To me it's about finding someone who cares enough to do the deed when I need/deserve it. Consent or not.

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